Mothers, let’s Talk to our Children

Encourage open and age-appropriate discussions with children. Our children need to know that they can ask questions, test their opinions and seek freely without fear of consequence. Tell them: “We may not agree on everything, but I’m interested in what you have to say.”

Ask the youth probing questions; for example: “What do you think about racism? Where does it come from? How can we bring unity and harmony in our lives? Have you heard about mental illness? Do you know the symptoms? Have you heard about sexual abuse or experienced it? What are you passionate about and how will you use that to live a purposeful life? What hinders you? What bothers you alot?”

Admit when you don’t know something. As kids move into different phases, it’s okay for them to see that their parents may not have all the answers. Tell them: “I don’t know. Let’s try to find out more.”

Get them to consider the complexities of difficult subjects; forces including social issues, politics, tradition, and more all contribute to making some problems seem uncurable or impossible to overcome. Ask: “What makes difficult issues, such as rape, violence and crime so hard to solve? What key things would need to change to fix certain issues such as poverty? How do policymakers get to the bottom of an issue to correct tough problems? Should we accept small changes that tackle problems bit by bit or insist on dramatic changes? Why?”

Let’s share our values and virtues. Let our children know where we stand on issues and explain why we hold certain values. If we want our children to be respectful of others’ differences, for example, explain why we value diversity, forgiveness, acceptance and more.

Let’s talk about “their” news. Encourage them to consider how different sources put their own spin on issues and how that influences opinions. Social media such as Facebook, Instagram and Twitter tend to provide content from friends using stories that are inclined to come from one point of view. How do these stories compare to “supposedly” objective news broadcasts on TV or radio.

Ask what they would do if they were in a really difficult situation. Children are continuously figuring out their own identities and they have the courage to take risks. Considering how they would act if confronted with a terrible reality that appeals to their own sense of adventure and is a way to get them to grapple with ethical dilemmas and see themselves making good choices. Ask: “If you were caught in a situation where one of your friends, male or female was sexually assaulted, what would you do? Do you know where to go to get help?”

Inspire children to be inquisitive and to be solution-orientated. Children can be cynical, but they can also be idealistic. If anything is going to get better, it’s going to be this generation who’s going to do it. We need to show our children that we can trust them to carry the baton and run their own race with confidence. Ask: “If you were in charge, what issues would you solve first and why, and how would you do it? Would you need support? Where would you go for help and what resources would you need?”

“Children are the seeds of our nation’s flowers waiting to bloom, let’s nurture them to reach the sun.”

LEND ME YOUR EAR

My Father, My Mother
I might not know how to say it
in the way that you want me to,
But I want to talk to you about life,

I worry about my identity and my place in the world,
I want to be my own person but you insist that
I should follow your rules and statutes,

Mother, Father,
Lend me your ear – share your time with me.
I promise you if you listened carefully to what I want to say,
If you tried to understand the emotions behind my hysteria
I know you could help me,

Allow me the space to make my own mistakes
and judge me not when I come crashing at your feet.
I need your guidance not law enforcement,
I need your wisdom not an affirmation of my shortcomings.
Mother, Father, lend me your ear – share your time with me.

My Daughter, My Son
Hear me and hear me well,
I cannot stand and watch you
make the same mistakes I’ve made.

I want you to do far better than me.
I want you to understand though –
life is no one’s friend.
I tell you from experience,
I teach you from what I have learned.

My Daughter, My Son
Hear me and hear me well.
These are life principles that will never change;
respect life, respect yourself respect authority.

I wish I could tell you something different but
I can’t because this is all I have learned:
There is time for everything, use your time wisely,
that’s one thing you can never get back.
My Daughter, My Son pay attention, life is no one’s friend.

A poem from: SiBusisiwe – And we grow (Poetry booklet)